Thursday, April 5, 2012

Enchilada Sauce: Catalyst for WWIII

Oh, enchilada sauce. Who knew you were such an antagonizing condiment? My boyfriend usually fixes dinner for us because... well, I suck at cooking. He was making bean burritos and gave the call to come and get it. I was busy doing double duty with my young son and my obsession, cityville. 

He walked into the living room with his plate of burritos and some sauce on top of them. I asked if it was enchilada sauce. ****BOOM****

He went off on me because apparently I had asked him this same question numerous times while he was cooking (if he was using enchilada sauce). I have absolutely no recollection of this. I'm afraid I do this all the time. I will ask a question and in the time it takes someone to answer it, I have forgotten that I asked it and forget to listen for the answer. 

I also have a lot of trouble hearing and if I do hear, most of the time I don't understand. Needless to say, he is constantly having to repeat himself. 

Sometimes I feel so stupid. Sometimes I feel like he needs to get over it, because this is who I am. I have asked him to research Aspergers and being in a relationship with someone that has it. He feels that I should be formally diagnosed before he gets all crazy with reading up on it. I am not sure why that matters. I think he may have read a little yesterday at my most recent prod, but he will not delve very far into it. I think he just doesn't like to sit and read stuff. When I got home from work, he shot a bullet at me from something he had read, "you can't love, so why does it even matter if I try any more?" UGH. 

I really wish that people that don't have Aspergers would quit trying to explain Aspergers. I really, really don't think that you can even begin to understand what it's like...

Even the DSMIV or what ever it is, the official diagnosis criteria for doctors... I personally think it is lacking. Just my personal opinion.

Back to our argument.  His reaction was WAY out of proportion for the event. He has been doing this lately and I am not sure why. He literally went off on me for having to repeat himself a few times. He yelled, screamed, cussed. I didn't understand. I didn't know what was happening. I was scared. 

I honestly just shut down. I couldn't process. I had to just stop what I was doing and go to bed without a word. This was at maybe 6 or 7 pm. I hadn't had dinner. I actually hadn't eaten all day and was starving. I was looking forward to eating and then playing with my son before bed. I had to just go to bed and put the covers over my head like a scared little kid because I didn't know what else to do.

I have tried to talk to him about these things since, but we haven't really gotten any where because he never does anything wrong and I am "crazy" and "ridiculous."

I have my first therapy session in a long time tomorrow. It's with the Employment Assistance Program through work. I hope that I can get some stuff figured out.

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