Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Why "The Particular Life?"

Why "The Particular Life?" If I had to come up with one word to describe myself, it would be "particular." I have to wear certain clothes, shoes; eat certain foods; have certain silverware; sleep a certain way, etc. I'm not this way on purpose and actually annoy myself greatly. I know some of my fears are greatly irrational, but my mind will not allow me to do things differently without great anxiety and panic.

I would not say that I am a high-functioning autistic person. You may look at me and think that. You might see a calm, collected woman who is struggling a bit to meet her full potential. What you don't see if that I am fighting with myself every minute of the day to keep it together and try to look like a normal person. I am not just struggling...I am finally hitting rock bottom after 30 years of keeping up this facade. The facade is crumbling down.

I desperately need support, understanding and patience. I am finding it no where. I hope that this blog will allow me to somehow find that.


  1.'s it going? Doctors appts etc, just curious.

  2. Hey, Penny, thank you for following! :) The appointment was excruciating. Reliving things from 15 years ago that you've never spoken about outloud are never fun! There was so much basic life stuff to cover, there was no way he could diagnosis me with AS in the first appt. He did say I definitely have major depression and anxiety. I have another appt. in two weeks and I guess we'll see. I may have to consider going to that other dr. I found that specializes in this (but she's not on my insurance).
    Thanks for asking about me! :)